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I just finished the last of the Harry Potter books. And i and pretty much sad to see that it is actually over. I mean, it was a wonderful book (and I wont give any detail because im sure not EVERYONE has read it yet) and i've cried more from this book than any of the other 6 combined. For me, it's just not a book series ending, its the end of a large connection with my mother. She was the first person to buy me the book, back before they were popular and i've been reading them ever since. I've had such a connection with these books and this story line to my mother that they make me feel warm inside when I need it the most. And I know I'll still have my fanfiction, but its just not the same. I know the end of Harry Potter, but I just can't accept it yet......feeling...:  listless groovin' to...: Sunday Morning- Maroon 5 |
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Biting keeps your words at bay
Tending to the sores that stay
Happiness is just a gash away
When i open a familiar scar
Pain goes shooting like a star
Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...
And you might say it's self-indulgent
You might say its self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be healthy
& pens and penknives take the blame
Crane my neck & scratch my name
But the ugly marks
Are worth the momentary gain...
When i jab a sharpened object in
Choirs of angels seem to sing
Hymns of hate in memorandum
And you might say it's self-indulgent
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be happy
And sappy songs about sex and cheating
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting
Make me want to give mankind a beating
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, i'd kick the bucket
Sixty times before i'd kick the habit
And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
That even if i quit
There's not a chance in hell i'd stop
And anyone can see the signs
Mittens in the summertime
Thank you for your pity, you are too kind
And you might say its self-inflicted
But you see that's contradictive
Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?
And pain opinions are sitcom feeding
They dont know that their minds are teething
Makes me want to give mankind a beating
I'm tried bandages and sinking
I've tried gloves and even thinking
I've tried vaseline
I've tried everything
And no-one cares if your back is bleeding
They're concerned with their hair receding
Looking back it was all maltreating
Every thought that occurred misleading
Makes me want to give myself a beating....
feeling...:  blah groovin' to...: "Bad Habit" - the Dresden Dolls |
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hmmm......
do i exist in peoples lives outside of PA anymore?
at least in my older friend's lives?
i call them.
i revieve nothing back ( most of the time, sometimes I get Pix messages and drunk phone calls)
but is that all I am anymore?
a drunk-phone call recpient?feeling...:  cold groovin' to...: Aladdin playing on the TV. |
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Went to NYC this weekend with colin and bill.....
amazing. we met up with Vince and he took us to a body piercing parlor....
spur of the moment piercings are always the best.
and my hair is now Black.
im a totaly new person and I'm loving every minute of it.
check out my Photos here and on facebook for the full view of my new look and life.
love you all,
Brittanyfeeling...:  giddy groovin' to...: "Cry Baby"- Janis Joplin |
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I heart college.
I heart Three Dimensional Design
I heart Frat-parties
I heart Colin..feeling...:  flirty groovin' to...: "Evil"- Interpol |
| » i feel a little bit better, but not much. |
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I sit here clutching useless lists
And keys for doors that don't exist
I crack my teeth on pearls
I tear into the history
Show me what it means to me in this world
Yeah in this world
'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind
I see the parts but not the whole
I study saints and scholars both
No perfect plan unfurls
Do I trust my heart or just my mind
Why is truth so hard to find in this world
Yeah in this world
'Cause I am due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Till I understand or go blind (till I understand or go blind)
I know that there's a point I've missed
A shrine or stone I haven't kissed
A scar that never graced my wrist
A mirror that hasn't met my fist
But I can't help feeling like I'm
Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign (waiting for a sign)
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes (and I won't close my eyes)
Due for a miracle
I'm waiting for a sign
I'll stare straight into the sun
And I won't close my eyes
Aug. 12th, 2006 @ 04:27 pm
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| » excuse me for being me. the person that no one should be. |
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Life.
GOD, i wish there was a restart button.
That would make verything more plesant. For Everyone.
not just me.
Every mistake you've made, you can replay and work out to be better then before.......all i want in life is forgivness.
if god was so forgiving and understanding, then why is life...........life? why am I the way I am?
simple answer...because that's how I chose to be? i guess. I chose to be a unconsious flirt. I chose to crave attention because i never recieved it as a child. I chose to hurt the people I love, because i don't know any better....fuck me. I should just die now and get it over with.
nah. I wouldn't want to give some people that satisfaction.
whatever. Insomnia can only bring out the worst thoughts in a person's subconsious....
So continue reading/skimming this entry....cause we all know there will be no comments or anything for this post. Unless the post is about something meaningless and repetitive (im not saying mine isn't), there will be nothing to show that you care...because you probably don't. They just feel as thought they owe it to me to care.
we you don't. no one does.
I just want to press my goddamned RESTART button already........
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Aug. 12th, 2006 @ 02:48 am
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| » You know who you are. And I couldn't care less if you know what's going on. |
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Well it's a lonely road that you have chosen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a long time since your heart was frozen
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
That it's a lonely place that you have run to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
And it's a lonely end that you will come to
Morning comes and you don't want to know me anymore
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
For a moment your eyes open and you know
All the things I ever wanted you to know
I don't know you, and I don't want to
Till the moment your eyes open and you know
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm leaving for North Carolina early tomorrow morning...
and my summer is for the most part done with.
At least I can say it was memorable....wheter it was memorable for a positive reason or a negative reason is completely up to me, and right now I can't say.
I'm too emotionally numb to figure that out right now.
grandfather's dying.
people avoiding me
people who never want to talk to me again because of the mistakes I've made.
I'm fucking human, aren't I? Isn't that what we're suppose to do?
You've made just as many mistakes as I have, different in subject metter, but they were mistakes.
I even fucing warned you early in out relationship that I had dangerous baggage, but you said "It's worth it"
Is it fucking worth it now douchebag? Huh? Not talking to me ever again, was she fucking worth it? was he fucking worth it? was any of this worth it? I can at least say that you were not worth this shit.
losing my virginity to someone who can just drop you in a heartbeat because of a mistake sucks...
I'm done ranting. Go live your life as you always had. Alone infront of a computer screen.
I don't even care if I get an angry comment about this either. it's not like you read this now that we're no longer friends.
Jul. 28th, 2006 @ 05:49 pm
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| » god fucking damn it. Im suprised I don't fucking have cancer yet....everyone else in my family does. |
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my grandmother got sick towards the end of January and died in Febuary
5 months later, my grandfather breaks the news to my family that he has pancreatic cancer and as a limited number of days left.
talk about a mind fuck when you least expect it.
he's my last blood-related grandparent.
Emil Dean.
jesus christ. Why is my family so fucking unhealthy?
now I have to add pancreatic cancer to the list of hereditarty diseases that might infect me.
and I thought the skin cancer, heart disease, breast cancer and colon cancer was just a cakewalk.
Jul. 23rd, 2006 @ 04:15 pm
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| » NEW COMPUTER + IPod!!!!!! |
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Guess who's typing this entry on her NEW MacBook Pro???
BRITTANY IS BITCHES.
O0o0o0o0 it's so shiny and new. and it has that new computer-plastic smell.
w00t, I own something FREAKIN' SWEET!
Jul. 19th, 2006 @ 05:57 pm
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| » haven't written a worth-wile post in a while. |
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My summer is half-way done. my last attempts to bond with people I won't see for the next 5 months or so. my last attempts to get back in touch with people who haven't talked to me in about a year.
for some odd reason I woke up this morning, shaking off one of the worst dreams I've had in a while and felt like I wanted to die. The feeling of utter hate and remorse that was in my stomach was unbearable. I haven't felt like that in a long time and I don't know why I relapsed back to where I was.
every second I feel as though Im gonna breakdown and cry.
maybe it's about time. I haven't cried since early June when all the mike and kate shit happened.
I've had an amazing summer so far and there's been nothing to trigger this feeling whatsoever. It might have been me hoping that people would start talking to me again so there wouldn't be that awkward fear of running into the other person when I drive or go to a fucking deli or bank. or so there isn't that black space between OUR friends.
that's the fucking worst. When you share friends, but no matter what you do, you can't help but ask them how the other one is doing, hoping that the other side is doing the same. or it could just be me. I could just be hopeless. that's probably the most accurate excuse.
I'm probably just stuck in a rut and I'll feel better tomorrow. excpet I probably won't considering where I'm going and who Im going to visit. Wake's shouldn't be the place where you go to keep your friendship alive. or to even expose the fact that friends haven't spoken since Christmas because one of the parties is afraid to face the other and tell the truth.
Im not even making sense anymore. like I ever really did in the beginning.
Me and Ray created our perfect summers one day while sitting in my car.
His was full of fun times with people and working out and feeling better about things.
Mine was about having my desires come true and having everything work out without any trouble like it always has.
but my summer's halfway done and one of the main points to my perfect summer won't happen, according to the main source, and I'm perfectly fine with that. My closure has helped me move on and to expand myself to a better state of mind.
whatever. I feel like shit. I have a wake and a funeral to attend to withing the next 2 days, a concert to go to with my aunt and a heart to prepare for the worst reality check ever.
I hate me.
Jul. 18th, 2006 @ 10:12 am
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| » thanks Gen |
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Go to Wikipedia and look up your birthday (excluding the year). List three neat facts, two births and one death in your journal, including the year.
FACTS:
1885 - L.A. Thompson patents the roller coaster.
1942 - World War II: Nazis at the Wannsee conference in Berlin decide the "final solution to the Jewish problem".
1964 - Meet the Beatles, the first Beatles album in the United States, is released.
BIRTHS:
1969 - Skeet Ulrich, American actor
1986 - Tiffany Holiday, American pornographic actress
(AND 1979 - Rob Bourdon, American musician (Linkin Park))
DEATHS:
1993 - Audrey Hepburn, Anglo-Dutch actress (b. 1929)
1891 - David Kalakaua, King of Hawaii (b. 1836)
eh, my birthday is mostly Presidential inaugurations.
friggin' January 20th.
Jul. 13th, 2006 @ 10:05 am
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| » Boredom infront of YTMND.com |
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wow.
people are going crazy over this Zidane thing.
I mean it was fucking awesome, but YTMND stuff is all over the place.
Nintendo WORLD CUP
Fidel Castro
France Fighter II Turbo
Zidane Vs. Deathstar
jeeze.
this shit is golden. but this one really made me smile.
Jul. 13th, 2006 @ 08:30 am
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| » If you kiss me mister you must think im pretty,If you love me mister you would never leave me... |
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Biting keeps your words at bay
Tending to the sores that stay
Happiness is just a gash away
When i open a familiar scar
Pain goes shooting like a star
Comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...
And you might say it's self-indulgent
You might say its self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be healthy
& pens and penknives take the blame
Crane my neck & scratch my name
But the ugly marks
Are worth the momentary gain...
When i jab a sharpened object in
Choirs of angels seem to sing
Hymns of hate in memorandum
And you might say it's self-indulgent
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, it's more productive
Than if i were to be happy
And sappy songs about sex and cheating
Bland accounts of two lovers meeting
Make me want to give mankind a beating
And you might say it's self-destructive
But, you see, i'd kick the bucket
Sixty times before i'd kick the habit
And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
That even if i quit
There's not a chance in hell i'd stop
And anyone can see the signs
Mittens in the summertime
Thank you for your pity, you are too kind
And you might say its self-inflicted
But you see that's contradictive
Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?
And pain opinions are sitcom feeding
They dont know that their minds are teething
Makes me want to give mankind a beating
I'm tried bandages and sinking
I've tried gloves and even thinking
I've tried vaseline
I've tried everything
And no-one cares if your back is bleeding
They're concerned with their hair receding
Looking back it was all maltreating
Every thought that occurred misleading
Makes me want to give myself a beating....
Jul. 11th, 2006 @ 12:06 am
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| » i <3 Gossip!!!!! |
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RAY: "It is NOT my fault!"
::akward pauses and blank stares at Ray with no pants on from me, Jeremy and Paul in the doorway::
RAY: "OOhhhhhhhhhh"
BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE.
Driving around....Battle Royale.....KFC potatocorngraveychicken bowls....pussy-eels....Shawn of the Dead.
sigh....
this summer is OH SO promising.
not to mention this past 4th of July was AMAZING, to say the least.
Jul. 9th, 2006 @ 01:31 am
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| » Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present, a picturesque score of passing fantasy |
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Just for the record,
The weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of:
A. Indifference or
B. Disinterest in what the critics say
It's time for us to take a chance
This was no accident
This was a therapeutic chain of events
Have some composure
Where is your posture?
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction
Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...
When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes
Whoa, everything goes according to plan.
I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"
Inside, what a wonderful caricature of intimacy.
Jul. 6th, 2006 @ 10:07 pm
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| » WORLD CUP! WORLD CUP! |
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FRANCE ADVANCES!!
HOORAY FRANCE!
boo portugal
NOW IT'S BETWEEN ITALY AND FRANCE
Oh, happy day!
I still wish Germany was in though. They were robbed.
Jul. 5th, 2006 @ 07:27 pm
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| » I am a problem creator. |
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I don't know who wrote the "Actually..." reply, but who ever they are. they're right.
and I will listen to your advice, as well as everyone else's.
Jul. 5th, 2006 @ 03:16 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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If anyone else want's to join the "Glad to be rid of Brittany" Club,
contact Mike or Clark. They're the founders.
Im an ass, a bitch, a lier and the biggest cheater in the world. there I said it. now do like you guys said and have nothing to do with me. we'll all be alot happier. I know you all will. and I'll have to comfort of knowing that you'll never phase me anymore.
My apoligies mean nothing, but I do apoligize to clark, because I never meant for any of that to happen. I should of told you how I really felt from the beginning instead of just 'rolling' with it...I suck.
and I won't delete the comments. just to prove to you that Im not gonna hide the truth, and I know that won't make me any better a person considering Im already the worst person in the world.
whatever, this is the summer. Nothing is real.
Jul. 5th, 2006 @ 08:53 am
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| » my new nickname is the SH** |
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Went to Orientation
Met AWESOME people
Made my scheduele
Picked my roommates
Danced/stripped on a Picnic table during the dance party
........I am now OFFICIALLY a college student.
and Im loving this. I will miss people here though, so before I leave. Hang with me.
Love you all.
~(new name) Stripperlla Barrymore.
Jun. 28th, 2006 @ 09:24 pm
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